Absurd Conspiracy Theory #1

29 04 2009


(Whispering) Hello.  I would like to share with you a few of my absurd Conspiracy theories that I may or may not actually believe.  This is the first.  On the 3rd of November in the year 19 hundred and 78 A.D. the world was exposed to a seemingly harmless sitcom.  Or was it?  From the moment it hit the air on NBC, I submit to you that it was with an insidious hidden agenda.  What was that agenda?  Was it promoting racial harmony within an interracial non-traditional family unit?  Was it to launch the careers of such child stars as Gary Coleman, Todd Bridges and Dana Plato (have you seen the E! True Hollywood story on them, yikes)? OR WAS IT TO SECRETLY USHER IN THE RISE OF THE POSTMODERN ERA WITH THE  SEDITIOUS LYRICS TO THE THEME SONG??!?!?!?!?  I submit to you that was EXACTLY their plan….

Read the Lyrics for yourself…

Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he’s a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.

But they got, Diff’rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff’rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

Everybody’s got a special kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shine,
It don’t matter that you got not alot
So what,
They’ll have theirs, and you’ll have yours, and I’ll have mine.
And together we’ll be fine….

Because it takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.
Yes it does.
It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

hear for yourself…catchy but SUBVERSIVE

Hmmmmm…. Now I can’t speak to this with as much certainty as I would like due to the fact that I wasn’t born yet, but hindsight is 20/20, or in my case 20/15 (hiyo).  After some intense research using the finest tools I’ve available at my disposal, wikipedia and google both confirmed my suspicions that the beginning of postmodernism has been dated by some theorists to almost this exact time!  Read the lyrics, it’s all there.  No absolute truth (“what might be right for you, may not be right for some”), moral relativism, corruption of traditional authority, total disillusionment with modernism/globalization of said era (“it takes Diff’rent Strokes to MOVE THE WORLD, (emphasis mine)).  It’s all there.  All you have to do is open your eyes to and ears to see and hear it.  Who is behind all this?  The NBC execs?

notice the jowliness

notice the jowliness

The ever-increasingly jowly Conrad Bain (Mr.Drummond)?  The world may never know, but we must continue to seek the truth behind all this.  It will forever beg the question, “What ARE you talking about, Willis?”




4 responses

29 04 2009

wow. i’m on board with you on this one. i bet this was brian mclaren’s favorite show.

30 04 2009

maybe it’s brandon tartikoff…

13 05 2009

It’s also very likely that the character “Arnold” was the beginning of the “short black people that act older than they look sitcom character” trend?

22 09 2010

shear genius

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